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| Adopting from foster care |
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Let’s face it: by the time a child appears in a
photo in the Heart Gallery a lot has happened.
Some heart-breaking event or ongoing trauma
resulted in the child being removed from home
and birth parents, and the courts decided that
reunification with the parents is not possible.
The child has probably been moved several
times—temporary shelters, foster placements,
perhaps even a stay in a residential treatment
center or therapeutic group setting. It’s a lot to
handle for anyone, let alone a child or teenager.
Lots of losses, lots of broken promises, lots of
missed opportunities for childhood joy and
growth.
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And a lot of resilience and strength just waiting
to be tapped as healing begins.
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Adoptive parents and families provide the hope,
belonging and stability that guide a child’s
restoration to wholeness. It’s not easy, and it
requires persistence and patience as much as
anything else. Some children seem ready for
the journey and are eager to join a family that
will support and love them. Others are more
ambivalent, full of doubts and fears about the
ability of adults to keep them safe or to stick
around. In many ways, this uncertainty makes a
lot of sense when looking at what the youth has
experienced to date.
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Regardless of whether or not a teen or
child seems ‘ready’ for adoption, it is the
unconditional commitment of well-trained,
well-supported adoptive parents that makes
the difference. To put it another way, it is the
adults that have to be ‘ready’ for adoption,
not necessarily the kids. The right parents for
youth adopted from foster care are those who
are flexible, willing to accept help and able to
try creative approaches to reach children who
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desperately want to belong, but who fear they
will always be alone.
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Your adoption worker will help you understand
the specific strengths and challenges of an
individual child or teen and the ways in which
you might be a great parent for that youth. As a
rule, most kids who have spent significant time
‘in the system’ will have some catching up to do.
They often have had experiences that impacted
or blocked their development in some areas. As
a result, every youth has his or her own complex
and unique way of viewing and being in the
world.
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As a family, your path together will help restore
some of the gaps and nurture the incredible
strengths of your child or teen. You and your
new son or daughter will be on your own
timeline as you address all the losses and
traumas and build a future that includes loving
relationships and hope.
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When child protective services remove kids from
families and the courts legally sever parental
rights, an inherent promise is made at that time:
the promise to find something better for these
kids. It is a promise that should never be left
unfulfilled for any youth.
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In the end, youth in foster care are just kids.
They are young people who will do better in
life knowing that there is a place to call home
and a circle surrounding them called a family.
Adopting from foster care is a great calling for
some parents that will bring joy—and perhaps
some tears—as you discover how you can
become the promise of home a teen or child
needs.
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